10 Scenarios of how Mo’ Money for Google could bring Mo’ Problems
A lot of people thought he was just being catchy, but the Notorious B.I.G. knew what he was talking about. An increase in monetary funds inevitably leads to an increase in personal and financial dilemmas. Unfortunately a congenital disorder known as: living in Brooklyn, cut his life short at the age of 24. Had Biggie made it to present time I’m sure he would have a few pieces of advice to give Sergey and Larry after Google surpassed the $600 mark on Nasdaq last week. So in Biggie’s absence I leave it upon myself to pass some plausible scenarios and/or pitfalls for Google to avoid now that the search engine has finally made it.
10. Sergey’s distant cousins, the Waltons, start asking for a series of small business loans. Apparently their strategic plan of low prices for customers and sexism for employees needs to be modified, or reversed.
9. Matt Cutts starts thinking Google is becoming too corporate, quits, buys Ebay.
8. Adsense users outsource Indonesian bookies to ask Google for a bigger piece of the cut.
7. Google acquires Indonesian bookies, turns them into Adwords reps.
6. Google enhances their pre-existing algorithm; subsequently incurring various copyright infringement suits from a variety of galaxies far, far away.
5. The corporate motto of “Don’t be Evil” is changed to “Get the Conch.”
4. Dick Cheney strong-arms his way into the Board of Directors.
3. Larry Page, now with financial backing, finally pursues his life-long dream of orbiting the globe in a nuclear air balloon.
2. Google starts to build an additional site on top of an old Native American burial ground. Upon opening day the servers run a little slower than usual.
1. The Googleplex becomes the target of a series of drive-by’s from the Sunnyvale Crips.
